Milestones

***Originally posted on Fertility Matters Canada***

mile·stone
ˈmīlˌstōn/
noun
An action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.

I can say with certainty that throughout the last 4.5 years of struggling with infertility & loss, there have been several events that have marked a significant change in our lives. The month we decided to start trying, , the day we found out we were pregnant, the day we officially found out we miscarried and the month our baby should have been born. It seems like I cannot get through a season without a milestone that can just crush me. You just do not forget these significant events. They’ll remain milestones for the rest of my life.

In between these milestones, we certainly do not forget about Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, and basically every holiday, do we?

It becomes exhausting. Life becomes about getting through the day until another pregnancy announcement, holiday or milestone takes us under. It’s like you just can’t catch a break.

Our pregnancy and miscarriage milestone is approaching.

July 6th, 2015 is when we found out I was pregnant and July 27th is when I miscarried. These dates will forever hold sorrow.

This pain and grief has changed me. It has chipped away at my heart, but it has also grown and strengthened me. Through each milestone, I have learned something new. I have learned that it is OK to feel the sorrow of my miscarriage yearly, monthly and sometimes even daily. It’s okay that I crumble after hearing yet another pregnancy announcement. My feelings and emotions through infertility and loss are valid, and so are yours! Let your tears flow when you are weary and tired. It is ok to talk about my infertility and miscarriage and knowing this has helped me reach out to loving friends and it has helped me process and cope.

I have also learned that if take care of myself.

Through proper nutrition and exercise it will help me tremendously. Easier said than done though, I know! It’s difficult to find a balance between letting yourself experience your grief and somehow finding the motivation and energy to exercise and cook a healthy meal. However, I am learning that if I am proactive with this, things are a bit easier. Self care is also so important. Whether it’s a manicure, or some therapeutic colouring, or a girls night – whatever it is, it’s important to be kind to yourself! As our milestone approaches I am doing all that I can to take proper care of myself, so that this wave of grief that I know is coming, will not take me under. I might fail, but all I can do is try. Getting through milestones, holidays and pregnancy announcements is not easy, but I can only do my best to not let it overcome me, once again.

Maybe getting through a milestone looks different for you. I just hope that by reading my experience, you will know that you are not alone. I hope that you know that your emotions are valid. I hope you know that it is ok to do something fun through your pain & grief. So go eat an ice-cream cone and get a pedicure!

Much love,  Katie


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